Remember

9-11-01

A day that we remember exactly where we were

The immediate sense of vulnerability 

Followed by such immense sadness 

Anger quickly followed

The questions why and how 

But what is incredible is the American Pride that quickly set in

As I was glued to the tv set that day

As I watched so many heroes risk their lives 

As America pulled together 

There was such a cohesiveness among all Americans

There was Prayer

There was God

There was America standing as One

I am proud to be an American

The Meltdown

Has anyone else ever had a meltdown? You know that moment when you lose all the self control you have in a public place. And mine is even worse because when I cry my face gets all blotchy red and I look really bad.

Well, I had mine a couple weeks before Christmas. As most of you know I have a child who has not had so healthy of a life (Isaac). Well, my youngest child JJ who is 4 is one if my "healthy" children. Well this day was different.

I had taken the older two kids to school and left JJ at home with Ben because he was still sleeping (which was unusual but not alarming). I was going to go for a run but I sat down by the fireplace to talk to Ben for a few minutes first. After a little while JJ came down the stairs and climbed on my lap and went back to sleep. (getting more unusual). He didn't feel warm but I took his temp anyway and it was normal. I aroused him and asked if anything hurt and he said his legs hurt and went back to sleep (even more unusual). I kept telling Ben something is not right. I called the pediatrician and they said bring him in right away. He was still able to be aroused but kept falling asleep. I put him in his car seat and told Ben I'd call him at the doctor's office.

On the way to the doctor, JJ woke up to say "Mom, God and I are looking at the mountains. Aren't they beautiful?" I replied "Yes they are" but that comment about he and God looking at the mountains together paired with this excessive sleepiness really left me unsettled (now alarming). My mind jumped to all sorts of places.

I got to the doctors office and went in the waiting room.  He was so angelic looking. I started crying. There was one lady in the room with me and she asked if I was ok. I bet she wished she would have kept quiet :) because this is where the meltdown comes. I really started crying when she asked. Through loud sobs and the red blotchy face I said "This is my healthy child. I can't go through watching another child be so sick. What if he has leukemia. He just won't wake up". The lady and her child got up and walked over to me. The mom put her hand on my shoulder and prayed for JJ and me. It was the sweetest thing ever and helped calm me back down. I didn't even get her name but she was my Angel that day.

JJ in his sleepy "Anglic" time

To answer your question of why my mind would jump to leukemia. Due to Isaac being sick I know more than I want to sometimes about medical things and leg pain can be a sign of leukemia. The nurse came and got us right away. The doctor met us in the room. By this time JJ was sleeping almost all the time. They checked all his vitals which were normal. The doctor was in his face yelling his name and he just kept sleeping. She decided to call the ambulance. Ben was already almost to us and got there right as they were taking him out to the ambulance. Since I had my meltdown already I was able to be the mommy he needed and be there for him.

JJ on his ambulance ride

On the way to the ER they decided to check his blood sugar. It was 40. Which would cause the sleepiness. They gave him oral glucose which he proceeded to throw up all over the hallway in the ER. So they decided to give it to him by IV in the ER. This worked immediately and while he was still kind of out of it the rest of the day he was awake. He has been diagnosed with Ketotic Hypoglycemia. Which is a childhood form that he can grow out of as his liver grows. We just need to monitor with a glucose meter and provide frequent meals and snacks. And make sure to watch him very close when he gets a stomach bug. 

How JJ looked most of the day in hospital

So yes I had my meltdown. But God knew what I needed at that moment. Once again he showed up for me when I needed extra help. Once again He didn't let me know the outcome right then but let me know He was in control. I have always loved Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (If only I could remember it before the meltdowns).  ?)) ). I know one of these days I won't have the outcome I want and my faith will be tested even more. I pray that when that happens I will remember all these time God has sent his Angels to protect me.

Our JJ

Not what I imagined...

Not what I imagined...

While growing up I imagined what my life would be like in the future.  Most everything I imagined was a picture perfect world.  Even I was perfect.  I was the perfect mother and wife who kept a perfect house and had perfect kids.  Now I am in that future and here is not what I imagined...

My house is not spotless.  There is lots and lots of dust and it could really use a mopping.  And the boys bathroom - well we just won't go there - let me just say that a certain 7 year old could use a little aiming practice :)

I don't get the perfect dinner on the table every night.  I do make dinner every day - except on the weekends, but sometimes it is just a flop of a meal.  Sometimes it is good old Mac and Cheese.  And sometimes  - it is actually pretty decent.  The important thing that I have found is that we always sit down as a family for dinner - even if that means waiting until 7 sometimes for Ben to get home from work. 

I know you all will be surprised at this - but My kids are not perfect.  They do not always use "yes mam and no mam" like I imagined.  In fact just yesterday - I was yelled to at basketball practice that "You are the worst mom ever."  That didn't settle too well and I had to discipline one of my not so perfect children - Something else I never imagined having to do. 

My 3 amazing kids

My kids are not all perfectly dressed and hair combed oh so perfect.  In fact, just this week both my boys were wearing pants with holes in the knees.   I pictured these cute little kids all dressed preppy and looking like they just stepped out of Gap or Crewcuts.  But both my boys much prefer the sweatpants and t-shirt outfits - so that is how they dress  - in the style that fits them, and since it fits them - it fits me too. (Although Sundays - they do dress a little more how I imagined)

A marriage that always needs work.  I pictured the perfect marriage where we never disagreed about anything.  What I found out the hard way was that a good marriage will always need work  from both sides.  And a good marriage needs to keep God front and center in all decisions. 

Children who are not healthy.  Before you have kids - you never picture having a child with medical needs, but we were blessed with a child who has medical needs.  This is actually what inspired this blog post. As I was taking Isaac for his labs to check  his liver function,  I was sitting there watching him stick out his arm (I do have to turn away as they stick him as I have been known to pass out), but I started thinking that this was never what I imagined for my children.  I never imagined my own child having to experience pain and sickness.

Not being the best mom and wife.  I always imagined that I would do everything perfect, but I am far from it.  There are days when I feel more successful than others, but I have so much to improve in my life.  There is one thing that I find myself praying for almost every night and that is patience.  I pray for patience when dealing with my children.  If I can step back and think before I react to what they have done or said I would handle things better.  I pray for patience in my marriage.  When I get frustrated when yet another night he doesn't get home until late - I try to step back and be grateful that he works hard and supports his family.  And obviously I don't do either of these very often as patience is still the thing I pray for every day. 

A child who struggles in school.  Watching my son have a hard time learning has been hard to watch.  And then I see these facebook posts by moms - who brag about their child getting all A's and my initial reaction is a little bit of anger, not at that mom (she should brag - she should be proud)  but because it will always be frustrating for Isaac in school.  And I hate seeing my child frustrated and know that he will have many years of frustration.

Even though it is not the picture perfect life that I imagined,  I will say that I wouldn't trade any part of it.  My life hasn't always been "Easy Peasy" (as JJ would say), but all the experiences good and bad are a part of our lives and make me and my family who we are.  And I look forward to all years to come of my life that I never imagined.   - I know that sounded cheesy - lol!!!

The family I love...

It's a New Year - Let's Be Better

My daughter Aubry came up with the phrase - It's a New Year - Let's Be Better!!! 

She loves to create activities and projects - so on New Years Day we had games lined up to play.  We played tug of war, who can drink a cup of water the fastest and cops and robbers.  After the games she had color coded sheets for us to use to write down our New Years - Let's Be Better Resolutions. 

We each had to come up with 3 things that we wanted to improve on this year. 

Here are our lists - hopefully at the end of the year - we can each say We Were Better. 

 

Mine

Clean 1 room a day in the house

Get healthier - exercise at least 3 times a week

Reduce the yelling in the house

Ben - the over achiever did more than 3

Exercise 3 times a week

Date night 1 time a month

Stop throwing cars - (this one might be pretty easy for him :)

Play with kids daily

Read Bible daily
Focus Areas: Patience and not bring "work" home

Aubry (10 years old)

Keeping my tongue in my mouth

Keep my chair down

Be nice to Isaac and JJ

Isaac (7 years old)

Listen

Bothering

Yelling

JJ (3 years old)

Stop Screaming

No Kicking

No Fighting

It was pretty cool to see everything that everyone came up with.  We didn't help the kids at all -  (except we did write JJ's down for him).  We got the lists out tonight to see how we are doing on our goals and to be honest we have all been pretty slack this week.  Isaac actually looked at his list and started crying because he realized he hadn't been working on any thing off his list.  We pointed out to him that no one in the family has done very well this week.  So now I'm off to figure out a way to make our Let's Be Better goals more visible.  I might go do some digging on Pinterest to see if I can make it look great too.



Thoughts on giving....



In the past few years I have come across two sets of people in my life that have really taught me what giving is really all about.  This is something I really need to work on in my life.  And this time of year has really had me thinking about it more and more. 

I was having a bit of an attitude a week ago as we were buying a new bike for a little boy who deserves a nice Christmas.  He  had a DS and a coat on his list, but we had chosen a bike.  Then we found out that the people who had his brother were also buying the DS, a couple games and the coat.  My first thought was that is ridiculous, but then I really understood that I needed to change my attitude.  As I was talking to my mom and telling her I don't even spend that much on my own kids, she said something that was so true  - She said that my kids are able to get things through out the year and for this boy this may be all he gets for the year. 

The first set of people that have greatly influenced me and have helped me change my attitude of giving are my in-laws.  They are always helping and giving to others.  A small example is that Dianne works with teenage kids who have not had an easy life.  And her first year working with them she decided to bring in a birthday cake for one of the kids and he was so grateful and told her it was the first birthday cake he had ever had.  They are always buying witness bracelets to give to camps and to pass out to anyone who shows and interest in the symbols.  They have given Ben and I so much and never ask for anything in return.  It took me many years to fully understand that they truly enjoy giving.  Not to make themselves happy, or to be able to brag about what they have given, but they give to see other people happy. 

The other people that I have seen a type of giving that is so genuine are my Uncle Larry and Aunt Jan.  I see their love for each other and their children is so deep that they would give anything for them or for each other.  They are always offering and helping me and my family and never complaining even though sometimes, we didn't give much warning when we would need a place to stay or stop by or leave our car and the list goes on....  I remember when we called with less than a day warning asking if we could stay with them and I could take Ben and the two older kids to the airport the next morning.  They of course said yes, but then she went out and bought a whole bunch of treats and snacks for the kids to take on their trip.  I know she was crazy busy, but that didn't matter.  I'm just always seeing them doing things for others and never asking for anything in return - true giving. 

This is the type of giver that I want to be and am working on being.  I want to be someone who gives to make others happy.  I went out on Tuesday with a new attitude and enjoyed shopping for the little boy and knowing that he will be getting a few of the things that he wanted for Christmas.  It was all an attitude change about how I looked at giving.  Forced giving or expected giving takes all the joy out of giving of both the giver and the receiver. 

 

So on both ends of giving I need to work on

Giving to provide another person JOY

Receiving to provide the giver JOY

Untrained thankfulness...

So we decided to kinda do our own facebook thankful thing within our own family.  So every night we each said something we are thankful for and why we are thankful for it.  Here are some of the more interesting ones that the kids have come up with.  I am very proud of all three of them for thinking beyond what we are trained to be thankful for.

The kids are

Aubry - 9 (almost 10 - I am reminded daily)

Isaac - 7 1/2

JJ - 3

JJ - Daddy - because he loves me  (Ok so that was a typical one, but I still loved it :))

Aubry - Soap - So we can be clean and not smelly

Isaac - Air - so we can breathe

JJ - Basketall Hoop - so I can play with Daddy (I might start getting a complex from this kid)

Aubry - Benedryl itch spray - for my fire ant bites

JJ - Peanut Butter sandwich - because it's so yummy!

Isaac - April Fools Day - Because I get to play jokes on you - then he said just kidding   - :LOL

Aubry - Water - to drink and use.

There were many more, but of course, I would forget to go to my computer every night to type them in. 

For the month of December we are focusing on what the real Christmas story is all about.  I do seem to notice more and more of there being less of Christmas in Christmas and more Holiday in Christmas, so since my kids will get less and less of it out and about then it is even more of Ben's and my job to make sure they "Get the Christmas"

Merry Christmas!!!

Remembering

Remembering

Our miracle 7 years ago...

I am a couple of days late, but will always hold in my heart the memories of the miracle God gave us 7 years this past week.  Our son Isaac was almost 5 months old and was in liver failure. 

We had him dedicated at Brookwood Church and the Pastor said a special prayer for him, which we didn't know he was going to do so I'm pretty sure I cried a bit up on stage.  Two days later Isaac was officially listed for transplant.  We had met with the transplant team and were expecting to wait for several months to a year, so we just went on with our lives like everything was normal.  Our pager wasn't working so we were told to keep our phones with us at all times.  Three days later I was having a lazy morning with Aubry (who was 2 at the time) and Isaac.  We were all in my bed watching cartoons and just hanging out.  The phone rang and Julie from transplant said they had a liver for Isaac.  I thought she was testing me to see if I would answer my phone - but she wasn't.  She said we needed to get up to Cincinnati right away.  I said ok, but inside I was panicking.  I called the pilot who had volunteered to fly us up there when we got the call but they said he was out flying and couldn't get back in time.  I panicked a bit more, but then I called my neighbor Angela.  She came over and just took over.  I think she called some other pilots, but nothing was working out.  In the meantime, Ben had called his brother Mike who called the airline he used a lot for business trips and got us a commercial flight, but it was leaving in an hour.  Since I had pretty much become not very useful, Angela packed my suitcase for me :)  Thanks Angela!!!

Ben got home from work pretty fast - I'm pretty sure he did not obey the speed limits!  Grabbed a couple of things and we rushed to the airport.  The airport staff was waiting for us at the airport and helped us get through check in and security very fast so we could make our flight.  We then get on the flight and the flight attendants already knew our situation.  When we arrived to Cincinnati airport there was a backup for landing and for getting to the gate due to some heavy fog they had had that morning.  The flight attendant announced that there was a delay, but that we would be moved to front of the line because they were transporting a baby who was on his way to the hospital for a transplant.  They were able to get us through to the front of the line for landing and then to a gate right away.  As we were getting off the plane - they let us get off first - the passengers on the plane kept telling us that they were going to pray for our little baby. 

We got to the hospital in under 4 hours.  Only by the grace of God was that able to happen with our pilot unavailable.  But thanks to Mike for helping us get on that flight.  We got a hospital room, and had to wait while the doctors flew up to Canada to get Isaac's liver.  He didn't actually go into surgery until about 10 that night.  That makes for a long day of not being able to feed our baby so he'd be ready for surgery, but so worth the wait.  Isaac was able to get a whole liver so that means it came from another baby so our hearts have always had a special place for our baby Angel.  Isaac had one of the shortest transplant surgeries that they had performed.  His old liver was in very bad shape but the new liver was perfect for him. 

I remember the strange feelings of sadness that someone else had to die for our son to live.  And the sadness for the family who was suffering.  While at the same time, I was excited for my baby to have a second chance at living.  Very strange emotions to deal with when dealing with a transplant. 

So this time of year, The memories and the emotions come rushing back.  I remember all year long, but this time of year will always be special to our family.  And I will always hold a special place in my heart for the family who made such a selfless decision. 

Thank - you so much to our family and friends and church for all the amazing support and prayers during that time.