Thoughts on giving....



In the past few years I have come across two sets of people in my life that have really taught me what giving is really all about.  This is something I really need to work on in my life.  And this time of year has really had me thinking about it more and more. 

I was having a bit of an attitude a week ago as we were buying a new bike for a little boy who deserves a nice Christmas.  He  had a DS and a coat on his list, but we had chosen a bike.  Then we found out that the people who had his brother were also buying the DS, a couple games and the coat.  My first thought was that is ridiculous, but then I really understood that I needed to change my attitude.  As I was talking to my mom and telling her I don't even spend that much on my own kids, she said something that was so true  - She said that my kids are able to get things through out the year and for this boy this may be all he gets for the year. 

The first set of people that have greatly influenced me and have helped me change my attitude of giving are my in-laws.  They are always helping and giving to others.  A small example is that Dianne works with teenage kids who have not had an easy life.  And her first year working with them she decided to bring in a birthday cake for one of the kids and he was so grateful and told her it was the first birthday cake he had ever had.  They are always buying witness bracelets to give to camps and to pass out to anyone who shows and interest in the symbols.  They have given Ben and I so much and never ask for anything in return.  It took me many years to fully understand that they truly enjoy giving.  Not to make themselves happy, or to be able to brag about what they have given, but they give to see other people happy. 

The other people that I have seen a type of giving that is so genuine are my Uncle Larry and Aunt Jan.  I see their love for each other and their children is so deep that they would give anything for them or for each other.  They are always offering and helping me and my family and never complaining even though sometimes, we didn't give much warning when we would need a place to stay or stop by or leave our car and the list goes on....  I remember when we called with less than a day warning asking if we could stay with them and I could take Ben and the two older kids to the airport the next morning.  They of course said yes, but then she went out and bought a whole bunch of treats and snacks for the kids to take on their trip.  I know she was crazy busy, but that didn't matter.  I'm just always seeing them doing things for others and never asking for anything in return - true giving. 

This is the type of giver that I want to be and am working on being.  I want to be someone who gives to make others happy.  I went out on Tuesday with a new attitude and enjoyed shopping for the little boy and knowing that he will be getting a few of the things that he wanted for Christmas.  It was all an attitude change about how I looked at giving.  Forced giving or expected giving takes all the joy out of giving of both the giver and the receiver. 

 

So on both ends of giving I need to work on

Giving to provide another person JOY

Receiving to provide the giver JOY

Untrained thankfulness...

So we decided to kinda do our own facebook thankful thing within our own family.  So every night we each said something we are thankful for and why we are thankful for it.  Here are some of the more interesting ones that the kids have come up with.  I am very proud of all three of them for thinking beyond what we are trained to be thankful for.

The kids are

Aubry - 9 (almost 10 - I am reminded daily)

Isaac - 7 1/2

JJ - 3

JJ - Daddy - because he loves me  (Ok so that was a typical one, but I still loved it :))

Aubry - Soap - So we can be clean and not smelly

Isaac - Air - so we can breathe

JJ - Basketall Hoop - so I can play with Daddy (I might start getting a complex from this kid)

Aubry - Benedryl itch spray - for my fire ant bites

JJ - Peanut Butter sandwich - because it's so yummy!

Isaac - April Fools Day - Because I get to play jokes on you - then he said just kidding   - :LOL

Aubry - Water - to drink and use.

There were many more, but of course, I would forget to go to my computer every night to type them in. 

For the month of December we are focusing on what the real Christmas story is all about.  I do seem to notice more and more of there being less of Christmas in Christmas and more Holiday in Christmas, so since my kids will get less and less of it out and about then it is even more of Ben's and my job to make sure they "Get the Christmas"

Merry Christmas!!!

Remembering

Remembering

Our miracle 7 years ago...

I am a couple of days late, but will always hold in my heart the memories of the miracle God gave us 7 years this past week.  Our son Isaac was almost 5 months old and was in liver failure. 

We had him dedicated at Brookwood Church and the Pastor said a special prayer for him, which we didn't know he was going to do so I'm pretty sure I cried a bit up on stage.  Two days later Isaac was officially listed for transplant.  We had met with the transplant team and were expecting to wait for several months to a year, so we just went on with our lives like everything was normal.  Our pager wasn't working so we were told to keep our phones with us at all times.  Three days later I was having a lazy morning with Aubry (who was 2 at the time) and Isaac.  We were all in my bed watching cartoons and just hanging out.  The phone rang and Julie from transplant said they had a liver for Isaac.  I thought she was testing me to see if I would answer my phone - but she wasn't.  She said we needed to get up to Cincinnati right away.  I said ok, but inside I was panicking.  I called the pilot who had volunteered to fly us up there when we got the call but they said he was out flying and couldn't get back in time.  I panicked a bit more, but then I called my neighbor Angela.  She came over and just took over.  I think she called some other pilots, but nothing was working out.  In the meantime, Ben had called his brother Mike who called the airline he used a lot for business trips and got us a commercial flight, but it was leaving in an hour.  Since I had pretty much become not very useful, Angela packed my suitcase for me :)  Thanks Angela!!!

Ben got home from work pretty fast - I'm pretty sure he did not obey the speed limits!  Grabbed a couple of things and we rushed to the airport.  The airport staff was waiting for us at the airport and helped us get through check in and security very fast so we could make our flight.  We then get on the flight and the flight attendants already knew our situation.  When we arrived to Cincinnati airport there was a backup for landing and for getting to the gate due to some heavy fog they had had that morning.  The flight attendant announced that there was a delay, but that we would be moved to front of the line because they were transporting a baby who was on his way to the hospital for a transplant.  They were able to get us through to the front of the line for landing and then to a gate right away.  As we were getting off the plane - they let us get off first - the passengers on the plane kept telling us that they were going to pray for our little baby. 

We got to the hospital in under 4 hours.  Only by the grace of God was that able to happen with our pilot unavailable.  But thanks to Mike for helping us get on that flight.  We got a hospital room, and had to wait while the doctors flew up to Canada to get Isaac's liver.  He didn't actually go into surgery until about 10 that night.  That makes for a long day of not being able to feed our baby so he'd be ready for surgery, but so worth the wait.  Isaac was able to get a whole liver so that means it came from another baby so our hearts have always had a special place for our baby Angel.  Isaac had one of the shortest transplant surgeries that they had performed.  His old liver was in very bad shape but the new liver was perfect for him. 

I remember the strange feelings of sadness that someone else had to die for our son to live.  And the sadness for the family who was suffering.  While at the same time, I was excited for my baby to have a second chance at living.  Very strange emotions to deal with when dealing with a transplant. 

So this time of year, The memories and the emotions come rushing back.  I remember all year long, but this time of year will always be special to our family.  And I will always hold a special place in my heart for the family who made such a selfless decision. 

Thank - you so much to our family and friends and church for all the amazing support and prayers during that time.

Wrinkled Memories

As I was putting on my makeup today, I noticed something in the mirror...  My hands were wrinkled!  My first thought was oh no, they are getting old.  Then I thought, well they are just signs of what my hands have been through.  Then I thought these oh  not so deep thoughts about, what have my hands been through. 

My first thought was way back to when I was a little girl living in Longmont, Colorado.  We had this big tree in our front yard and remember how my brothers and I would climb up in that tree.  Then I quickly jumped over to my cousin Shanna's house.  Oh, that place was so much fun.  My Uncle Harold had so many things that we could play on.  I think maybe I remember a tree house or some place with a door and my hand knocking on that door.  I so wanted to get in, but my cousin Shanna (who I love a lot)  and my brother
(who I also love alot), I think it was Brad, were not being so nice to me.  They knew this song that I did not know, so I couldn't be in their club.  The song was "Sha na na na, Sha na na na, Hey Hey, Good-Bye".  They would sing it over and over taunting me while my hands were knocking on that door and tears were brimming in my eyes.  Maybe that is where my first wrinkle came from.... (btw - no hard feelings Brad and Shanna, just maybe when you guys have another "secret" song you could share it with me next time)

Then off my mind jumps to our next house in Illinois.  It was an older house with beautiful wood (I can only appreciate the wood now that I have the wrinkles on my hands).  The previous owners had painted many many layers of paint over the wood.  Since maybe my Mom and Dad already had some wrinkles and could appreciate the wood, they decided we would strip all the paint.  I remember being upstairs and painting on some stinky stuff that would make the paint bubble up and get soft, then taking a tool and scraping and scraping and scraping off that paint to finally reveal the beautiful wood door.  Maybe the wrinkle I got from that experience has helped me to appreciate the hidden beauty of experiences that God has thrown my way. 

Then off my mind jumps to highschool.  Have you ever been dining at a restraut  - lets just say a buffet where you have to use multiple plates.  Well, who washes those 5 dirty plates that you use.  Well, for a couple of years it was me.  My first job was at Ponderosa as a dishwasher.  I so longed to be a waitress, so I would work harder and harder thinking the managers would notice my hard work.  I was pretty fast at washing all those brown bins piled high with dishes, silverware, cups.  My hands could grab those plates, bang it against the garbage can to get off the excess food, the take the sprayer and rinse, put in the the diswasher rack and push it through faster than any other hands there.  After being a dishwasher girl for a long time, I finally got moved "up" to kitchen.  My hands didn't particularly like this job as I ended up with many burns from lifting heavy pans of baked potatos from the steaming hot ovens and frying fries and grease splattering up onto my hands.  I finally was able to use my hands to serve people.  I enjoyed being a waitress.  I think my hands may have even served my husband before I knew him.  His parents used to give him money to go out to eat on Sundays while at college and I remember serving this good looking guy that would come alone on Sundays.  Maybe, just maybe that was him, but apparently my stunning waitress oufit, my black pants with grease stains and my white button down shirt with more grease stains and that oh so cute green apron over top, was not enough to get his attention to ask me out there, I had to wait....And there is the story of yet another wrinkle and even a few burn scars.

On down the road, Ben and I were blessed with our second child.  And my hands were busy taking care of our newborn baby.  Our daughter Aubry (who was 2 at time) also used her hands to help.  I layed Isaac on my bed to get him ready for his first bath.  Aubry stayed on the bed to "watch" him as I went to test the water with my hands to see if it was lukewarm.  I ran a little bath for Isaac and got the towel and soap ready.  I went back into the bedroom to get him and Aubry's little hands had completely undressed him.  I have no idea how she got all those baby clothes off as some of them seem to need a rocket scientist to use.  Maybe - her first wrinkle - I don't know, only she will know.

As I look at my wrinkles I am reminded of the little things they have done every day.  And I pray and hope my hands will keep on doing those little things, because they will end up having so many great and wonderful wrinkle memories on them that will last forever.....

Back to Life, Back to Reality

I went on vacation with the fam last week to St. Joseph, MI.  Beautiful beaches!!!  We really had a great time and it was so nice to be our family of 5 again after being away from Ben so much this year.  Sometimes I think God puts things in our lives to make us appreciate what we have.  I guess it is easy to take for granted what we have.  This year God has helped me learn to appreciate being together as a family.  Something so simple, but so easy to take for granted.
So here are some pics from our vacation.  Just had a relaxing time - each day we just did whatever we felt like doing that day.  And usually we didn't even get  going til mid morning. (I guess cuz Ben let me do my favorite thing - sleeping in :)  When I got up each morning all the kids were fed and breakfast was already cleaned up - can't get any better than that!!!

JJ eating ice cream at Sherman's

boys watching the sunset

Aubry on the dock by the boat

Aubry riding the waves

Isaac making sand angels

my boys :)



Shopping for Service

I went to McDonald's today and ordered a large unsweet tea.  It's only $1 and pretty good.  I know, I know I should just make my own - as it is much cheaper.  But sometimes I just can't help it.  I love those Styrofoam cups.  Anyway I went through the drive through and got my tea.  As I was going down the road, I took a drink and it was terrible.  It wasn't even drinkable.  So as I got close to the camper I stopped by the McDonald's that I usually get my tea from and went in to see if they could just put some of their tea in my cup since this one was so bad.  It was about 2:30 in the afternoon so not very busy.  There were at least 10 people "working" up front.  One older couple was in front of me and the older lady ordered a Big Mac.  The worker said do you want a meal and the older lady said no she just wanted the sandwich and the senior drink.   Then I heard the worker say do you want a small, med or large and the lady said small.  Then while 9 people stood around and "worked", the older lady walked off with her big mac and drink cup and then this one lady yelled after her to come get her fries.  The old lady said I didn't order fries and the worker lady said yes you did it's on the screen.  The worker lady who hadn't even taken the order sat there and argued with the older lady.  Meanwhile, I was standing by the register waiting to be helped and there were the other 9 workers standing around talking .  The worker finally just threw out the fries, but didn't offer to give the lady her money back.  A few minutes later someone came over and said can I help you.  I told them the story of the bad tea and she said just a minute and the manager yelled from across from the room and said that they were a different franchise and had nothing to do with them.  Then she yelled at the worker to just give it to me, but then she ended up getting it herself.  I was very polite when she rudely handed me the tea and said most of the unsweet tea tastes bad.  I replied that I order almost every day from their drive through and the tea was always good here.  I did at that point get a little smile.  But did look down in my tea and notice she didn't put ice in it.

All this to say that service varies so much at different places.  If you go to a Chic-fil-A - you will always get quality service and anything you ask for they always say "My Pleasure" (Even the teenagers).  You go to McDonalds and you get people simply doing their job with no training and how to treat the customer.

On to the grocery store - My favorite is  Publix - extremely service oriented.  Very friendly and take the groceries out to the car and they seem to enjoy doing it.  Cookies  and balloons for the kids and coloring books if you ask.  I used to never shop here due to their prices being a bit higher, but now that I have started couponing (and yes, I use couponing as a verb)  I have learned that they can actually be cheaper than Wal-Mart.

So my summary is that McDonald's service is similar to Wal-Mart.  And the top customer service places are Chic-fil-A and Publix.

So I ask, Is it worth it to pay a little extra or go a little farther to go to a place that has great customer service?  Sometimes, yes, but I will still hit Wal-mart for a few things and will still get the $1 tea at McDonalds.  But most of the time I will choose Chic-fil-A (plus their food is much better) and I do most of my grocery shopping at Publix - with coupons of course. 

Cloudy with a Chance of Organizing

It's an overcast cloudy day and oh so muggy.  So while at the dentist with my kids (who were all cavity free - YAY)  I was trying to think of things to do today and I just couldn't get the idea of cleaning out JJ's room which has essentially become the toy room.  I had organized it about 6 months ago, but it is in pretty bad shape now.  If anyone has any tricks to get kids to put toys back the exact way they found them - I'm all ears. 

Anyway I went to Wal-Mart to buy some organizing supplies and hopefully make it easier for the kids to keep the room a bit neater.  Although this is probably wishful thinking. Someday my wish is to have a wall of built in shelves that hold those oh so cute canvas baskets.  Yes, Mike and Steph  - I am jealous of your toy wall. 

I went upstairs  took a quick survey...

This is actually how I found the room - pretty sad :(

Then I did the dump - I took all the toys and dumped them in a huge pile in the middle of the floor.

The Dump!!

Not more than two minutes after I finished the dump - I received a phone call from the Call Center asking for showing for our house.  I think my heart stopped for a minute and then I realized she asked for a showing tomorrow - PHEW!!!  But still had a huge job on my lap and the rest of the house to clean, mow the lawn and fix the kitchen light that I broke this morning. 

More of the Dump!!

Here is the finished product.  I only left out the toys that they seem to play with the most.  3 bags of garbage and 5 bags of toys to give away. 

Now named the toy corner - contains all the main toys the boys play with.

And the book and game shelf - decorated with stuffed animals - and yes we have already given at least 100 stuffed animals to Goodwill.

After I gave a demonstration of how to properly put a book on the shelf and how the cars only go in the car bucket and so on - I put the kids to bed!!!

Now off to clean the rest of the house for the showing...

Heaven is the Face...

So maybe a little deeper thought today....

I was driving in the car today and listening to the radio and the Stephen Curtis Chapman song came on called "Heaven is the Face".  Of course I cried as I listened to it, then a whole bunch of memories flooded my brain.  So if you saw me driving down Woodruff road bawling my eyes out, now you know why :) 

It brought me back to the day when Isaac was 10 months old.  He'd had his transplant 5 months earlier and everything had been going great.  We took him in to the hospital for some IV fluids late one evening and we finally got a room around 3am.  We were woken up by the nurse early that morning (I'm not even sure what time it was because it is all a blur).  She said Isaac was seizing and she didn't know how long he had been like that.  The whole left side of his body was non responsive.  They took him down for a Cat Scan, but had to stop several times because of the seizures.  The moved him to the PICU and his respiratory rate was low, but they weren't really doing anything except monitoring his seizures.  The doctor in charge was not calling his transplant team and communicating with them, so our home health nurse who had come in her jammies the night before to help us and was up at the hospital that morning called Cincinnati and told them what all was happening.



Isaac in Greenville, they kept the EEG on him to monitor the seizures he was having.


Cincinnati Children's hospital flew a jet plane down to get Isaac and we flew up that day.  Ben drove up as there was only room for 1 parent.  Isaac was placed in the PICU and intubated to help him breathe.  The next day he kept crashing and the doctors were pumping him full of every medicine they could think of, even some that were very risky and we had to weigh the options of using very high risk meds or risk not fighting whatever it was that was attacking his little body.  Of course we went with using the medicines.  They kept running all the tests they could think of and still couldn't find what was wrong.  In the meantime he was getting worse.  The evening of the first full day we were there, the doctors pulled us aside in a room with sofas and tissues and sat us down (this is the room you don't want to go to).  They pretty much told us they had tried everything they could think of but he just kept deteriorating.  They offered to call our family for us.  Most of our family were already on their way.  This was also when I noticed we were in a room with a window leading to the room next to us.  A long time ago, I had asked a nurse why would they have a window in some of the PICU rooms and she told me it was for when a child was close to dying, they would use it for the family members and they would open up the curtains so the family members would be close by.  Well, I noticed that the room next to us,  that our window led to, was empty. 



Isaac in Cincinnati the day he almost went to Heaven.

About an hour later, as Ben and I were in Isaac's room he was crashing again.  And let  me tell you it is nothing like TV.  There were doctors and nurses everywhere, but they were completely calm and worked together so well and quietly.  They had already called in the chaplain who was in the corner of the room praying.  Ben and I were standing at the end of the bed holding his feet.  I remember praying to God and saying "ok, if this is what you had planned for Isaac's life, I will accept it, but I would really love to keep him in our family and I wouldn't know how to tell his 3 year old sister if he died."  Then this strange, calming peace came over me and I just felt like whatever happened it would be ok.  I felt like God was right there in the room with us and was calming me.  It was a very strange feeling, but very peaceful.  Isaac pulled through the night and then the next day.  Then they put another patient in the room next to us (a good sign).  The doctors to this day still call it a miracle.

That strange, peaceful feeling that I had experienced was kind of embarrassing, I was actually feeling bad about feeling peace while Isaac was so sick and crashing.  But a couple of weeks later as we were having dinner (thanks to a friend who came to the hospital to stay with Isaac),  I decided to go ahead and tell Ben about it.  He was shocked when I told him, because he had had that same strange, peaceful feeling at the same time.  That was when I knew that God had put that calming, peaceful protection around us.

Isaac - today :)



Good Cheap Summer Fun!

JJ, Isaac and Aubry watching the sharks

First stop - Chattanooga Aquarium!  (only cheap this time because we had already purchased the annual pass), but anyway good, cheap fun this time.  We decided to only go to the the ocean building this time so we would have time to play in the fountains. 

Kids touching the sting rays

Aubry caught a butterfly in the butterfly garden

Don't be shocked - yes that is Aubry and Isaac sharing a butterfly.

After the aquarium we headed outside and stopped by the car to change the kids into their swimsuits.  Then first stop, the waterfall stairs that lead to a big pool at the bottom.  Bonuses for me - viewof the Tennessee River and shaded.

Aubry in pool at bottom of waterfall stairs

Isaac, JJ and Aubry

Then we went up the stairs the another place to play in the water.  Unfortunately my phone battery died so I didn't get any picture - (and yes I do take most of my pictures with my phone - someday on my wish list is a nice camera - but that will be down the road).  The kids loved following the path of  water with rocks - very cool looking - someday we'll go back and I'll get some pics.

Isaac, JJ and Aubry

Kids had a great time and got worn out - which is always a plus. 

Gotta love summer!!!

Summer Campfire Food - Yummy!!!

 

We had a delicious campfire last night!  With yummy fresh veggies and fruit from the market.  And I'm all about simplicity - so the easier and more relaxing, the better.  So here is our menu. 





Grilled Corn on the Cob.

Take sweet corn and remove the silk and then put the husky things back over corn.  Place over campfire for about 10 minute turning one time.  Pull off husky things (and I even lived in central Illinois for awhile, but I still don't know all the technical terms) - and leave on the stem - this will be the handle for holding the corn (then we don't have to wash all those little green things we usually put in the end of the corn).  After pulling off the husky things then roll in butter and sprinkle with salt.  Delicious fresh yummy flavor with a hint of campfire. 



Isaac being a typical boy and playing with the fire!



Fresh Blackberries and Strawberries

Buy or pick fresh strawberries and blackberries.  Rinse and Eat.  Yummy and simple - and best of all healthy!!

Aubry stealing some blackberries!

All Beef Hot Dogs with Whole Wheat Buns

I stopped by the Sara Lee Outlet and picked up some Whole Wheat Buns for 79 cents!!! Gotta love a bargain.  Grill some hot dogs and add your favorite toppings.  Ben likes just cheese, Aubry and I like relish and ketchup Isaac and JJ like just ketchup. 

Chow Down and Enjoy Eating outside!!!

Family Time

So many of you know that we spend part of our time in a camper with Ben in Chattanooga.  Well, we went to Chattanooga on Saturday to go to Ben's work family night out at the baseball game.  We had a lot of fun and I was able to meet a lot of people that Ben works with. 



JJ holding on tight because the guide was being sarcastic and said that we were going to go fast and we better hold on.

 On Sunday, we got up and went to the open air market and got some yummy blackberries and strawberries.  We tried these blackberries dipped in white chocolate and I'm not even a white chocolate fan, but the combination of flavors was delicious.  Aubry had a yummy chocolate covered strawberry.  The boys had pretzels from this amazing bread stand. 

After our trip to the market we decided to use our Groupon for the Chattanooga Duck Ride.  The Duck is one of those vehicles from 1944 used in the war that went on land and water.  Kids had a lot of fun especially when we went down the ramp and splashed into the water.  Ben and I enjoyed the history.  The ride was a bit on the slow side, I think the guide said it can go up to 6 mph.  So needless to say Ben didn't get his fast thrill, but we had a nice time. 

After a quick lunch, we decided to go to the fountains to cool off.  I envisioned the kids just dipping their feet in and cooling off, but that isn't what happened.  The cool off resulted in both boys being completely soaked.  Isaac went completely under and JJ's clothes were completely drenched.  It was one of those moments where as a mom I just had to step back, relax and remind myself that a little water wouldn't hurt the kids.


All in all a great family day, with minimal fighting and just good relaxing fun - and thanks to Groupon - very cheap :)

GROW UP - (but don't really grow up)

My daughter Aubry is 9 years old and I have caught myself many times lately telling her to "Grow Up."  I have told her to act her age and while I may mean it for the moment, I would actually like to keep her my little girl forever.  I am not ready for her to be exposed to all the things in this world (I have to be careful what I say because she reads my blog :)) 

So all that to say,  what am I doing to build a relationship with her that is strong enough to weather the hard times that she will experience?   How do I make sure I keep the communication doors wide open?  How do I teach her to be a modest, young girl who will keep her priorities in the right place and keep God and her family the center of her life?  How do I make sure that she has the confidence that every young girl needs?

The answer - I don't know (maybe y'all could give me some suggestions)

Things we are doing right now:

• We have a girls outing every couple of weeks.  We don't even spend a lot of money, but just hang out just the two of us.  It gives us time to just talk about whatever we want to talk about without any interference from the boys.
• We just finished reading the American Girl Doll Book - "The Care & Keeping of You, The Body Book for Girls"   Very detailed book about all the changes that will be happening in her body.  We read this together and I encouraged her to ask questions.  We even got some samples of feminine products for her to see.  I wanted to let her know what will be happening to her body before it happened not after or during. 
• We play games together.
• We clip coupons together and she helps me get them ready. 
• We cook in the kitchen together.

What I need to work on

• Making sure I praise her way more than I point out what she needs to work on.  This is something I really need to work on a lot.  It is balanced the wrong way right now.
• Pray for her.  I do pray for her, but I could definitely be more consistent. 
• Let her have more privacy from the boys.  This is something I have just started.  Since she is doing the diary that goes along with the American Girl doll book that we read, she found out that her brother and his friend had been in her room reading that.  So I decided it was time to set some ground rules, that he is not allowed into her room to play unless she invites him.  Good thing though,  is that she doesn't mind sharing the diary with me  - YAY! 
• Be more open and honest with her.  I have always been one to bottle things up and hide them, but if I'm open with her then that will help her feel like she can be open with me. 
• And many more areas - always room to improve!!!  I truly would love suggestions!!!!

Perceptions (Misperceptions) of Parenthood

Picture of my kids from 2 1/2 years ago

Aubry, JJ, and Isaac

Have you ever just thought you had the only kids that fought every single minute of every day?  Have you ever thought that you were the only one who had a child that knew how to pitch a major fit?  Or maybe you are the only one who has a child who never cleans her room or when she does you just find the mess has moved to the closet or under the bed. 

When we are out and about in life - we don't always see what is really happening in each other's lives.  And some of us are better at hiding the frustrations than others, but we all have them.  I am one of those moms who actually gets a happy feeling when I see other children fighting or pitching a fit in public.  I know that sounds bad, but it reassures me that I'm not alone out there.  Other people's children also misbehave.

I do have a quick story from a couple of years ago.  I was in Barnes and Noble with my 3 kids.  JJ was just a baby and Isaac was 4 and Aubry was 6.  I went there to let the kids play with the train track and just chill for a little while before we had to pick up Ben from the airport.  This was also the time when the littlest thing would set Isaac off and we didn't know why.  (For example, I"m pretty laid back and don't get too upset about things, but Isaac all the sudden would just cry and scream for an hour if he would accidentally spill a couple of drops of water - something I really don't care about.)  Anyway all that to say that out of the blue Isaac had one of these screaming and crying episodes and I don't even remember what set him off, but I remember very clearly "the walk" out of Barnes and Noble. 

Let me give you a visual of "the walk" - Picture a mom with an infant in a sling, a 6 year old walking beside her and a 4 year old in the stroller very  upset and screaming.  I remember a couple of moms gave me a sympathetic look of understanding.  But I will never forget the lady who looked at me and shook her head with disgust.  A look that made me feel like I was the worst mom in the world for not being able to control my child.  A look that made me have to fight back those tears that were about ready to flow freely and would have made for an even more comical scene.  I just kept walking past her as her eyes were watching me and my children the whole time.  Inside I was fighting the urge to go tell her what it is like and that she has no right to judge what she doesn't know.  But I just kept walking...

After things settled down and I was able to reflect and even to this day I will reflect on it, I realize it is all about perception and experience.  This lady was simply looking at me as a mom who couldn't control her child and probably thought I needed a lesson on discipline.  She has probably never had the experience of having a child who had difficulty controlling his emotions.  I know that since I have had these experiences with Isaac, when I see other people with a child misbehaving my perception has changed.  I feel like I can relate and understand what it is like to have a child pitch a fit in a public place.  I feel like many times there is way more to their story than I will ever know and it is never my place to judge another person.

New Bike = Bike Crash

I picked up Isaac's bike today that was for his birthday (a little late).  He had a hard time finding the perfect one, but we finally did.  The guy at the store gave him a quick lesson on using hand brakes and changing gears and sent us on our way.  Isaac tried the hand brakes on the sidewalk outside the bike store and pulled them hard and it threw him forward and he hurt himself a little on the thigh, but that didn't stop him.  We got the bike loaded in the car and headed home. 

All the way home he kept asking if I could drop him off at the top of the hill with his bike at his friend's house.  I decided we should go home and try the little hill down to the culd-e-sac first and then he could ride up the hill to his friend.  So we get home and he hops on and we talked about the hand brakes and gears and off he went.  Very Fast down the small hill to the culd-e-sac.  Then he started yelling - "I can't stop"   - I yelled - "Use the brakes."  He didn't slow down at all and swerved to go in between the houses and kept on going down the hill between the houses.  I was running after him (in my flip flops)  and couldn't see him or hear him anymore.  I get to the the hill between the houses and he is no where to be seen.  I yell his name and there was no answer.  I keep yelling and trying to follow the faint line of his tire track which looked like it was headed into the woods and bushes.  I get closer and he responds "Over here Mom!"  I go over expecting to see the brand new bike all tangled up and Isaac all bloody. 

He was fine - just a couple scratches on his leg from the bushes.  And, he had protected the bike - making sure that it fell on him so it wouldn't get any scratches - a true boy! 

Isaac asked if he could go back to riding his old bike - I said "No, it's getting too small for you and you'll do great on this bike."  He got back on the bike and practiced using the hand brakes and then he took off again up to see his friend. 

What I learned from my son :-)
Even when things are hard or you fall and get hurt - just get back up and try again and in Isaac's words - "I'm getting the hang of it!" 

A boy and his scar...

While at the pool yesterday, I noticed Isaac kept putting his arms over his scar from his liver transplant.  He was playing with some older boys that he had never played with before.  I was wishing I could be a little fly and go over and listen and rescue if anyone would happen to say something not nice about the scar.  First, I decided being a fly might not be a good idea since a fly couldn't actually rescue anyone :)  Then I decided as a mom just to watch from a far and let my 7 year old handle it. 

So I watched, and as Isaac and another boy were standing by the side of the pool ready to jump in, Isaac lifted his arms off his scar and the boy said something to him.  Isaac looked down at his scar and the boy leaned over to get a very close look.   Then that was it and they jumped into the pool and Isaac didn't cover it again.  Later (since I was so curious), I asked Isaac what the boy was saying about his scar.  Isaac in a matter of fact way said he was just asking me how I got it.  I said "Well, what did you say?"  and he replied in a way like it was just an everyday thing "From a liver transplant." When he said that I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.

Sometimes it's the moms of the kids with health issues whose lives have been changed and the kids just view it all as normal because that is all they know.

A little background about Money Summer!

I just wanted to let you know how Money Summer came about.  My middle child, Isaac, struggles with anger and behavior issues.  While at the developmental pediatrician, I was asking for ideas for helping him learn how to manage his anger and frustration.  The doctor asked what things he played with at home.  I replied that he loved to play outside.  She then asked if he liked to play video games or watch tv.  Isaac and my oldest Aubry have never been very interested in tv and video games.  We have both at home, but they will only do either for about 30 minutes a day at the max.  The doctor said we definitely do not want to take away outside play time, so then she asked if he liked money.  Isaac loves money and counting money - so I replied "Yes, he loves money."  She said if it is feasable financially to give him 4 quarters every day.   If he has an anger or frustration outburst to have him give you a quarter.  I thought this was a great idea. 

So, the first day of summer I implemented what I call Money Summer! I got each kid a cute little can from the dollar spot at Target (btw - I love that place)!  Wrote their names on the front with black marker because that was all I could find at the house.  (Art supplies tend to disappear at my house.)  Every day I put in 4 quarters in each bucket and when they get enough they can trade it in for dollar bills or even bigger bills as the summer goes on.  Whatever JJ (the 3 year old) makes, I will put in his bank account since he is too young for this, but I thought it was a good way to save for him. 

So far Aubry and Isaac have lost a few quarters for being sassy, being mean to each other. not listening right away, and not keeping control of anger.  The most they have lost in 1 day is 2 quarters and they each even had a couple days where they lost none - YAY!!  Although, I'm sure my patience level of each day has something to do with this.